My sister recently had a baby...his name is Felix Paul, and he is fucking perfect. He smells amazing...the way that only babies can; its a mixture of sweet milk and powdery rose petals-even his farts smell amazing. No joke. It's a celebration each time this kid passes gas, because it's his new body's way of figuring out how to remain comfortable inside itself. In no way am I exaggerating. He makes cute little noises that is one part kitten and one part pterodactyl.
and Johannes are amazing parents. They love him beyond words and coo
sweet nothings into his ear, even when his screams break through noise
barriers only understood by deep sea mammals. They kiss him and love him
and take billions of photos.
They have been preparing
for little Felix, and have prepared well. They have been reading books.
They have spoken with doctors. They were ready to have this child.
should mention that between Anna and Johannes I think there are like, 4
degrees. They're not just average. They are brilliant, logical and
Now they have a kid. And there is no
reasoning with screams that challenge solid glass not to break. The
most refreshing thing to see about this new little man in their life is
that everything is new to everyone: Johannes, Felix and Anna. Anna is a
Sitting down with Anna on the first
day in Berlin, she explained everything. How birth is not glamourous
(she was going to birth Felix naturally, but on the 26th hour of
labor...yes, 26th hour...the doctors said, well we're going to do a
c-section now...are you kidding me? That's like running a marathon and
at the 26th mile with only .2 to go, medics say: well, it looks like
you're getting a cramp in your calf. Better take you out of the race.)
that her boobs were so sore that she had cool cabbage placed on them to
calm their pain. How does everyone say how connected to the earth, to
their babies they are when they breast feed? She asked me. It's like, I
have multiple degrees and can run construction sites single handedly,
but as soon as I hear my baby cry, my boobs start leaking. What the
Also, she is not used to her body changing and
morphing back to it's original shape post baby. How are you feeling
physcially? I asked. Ugh, Margaret, I'm serious...it's like NO ONE talks
about what happens to women's bodies after they have a baby. I smell
different, I constantly have my period and I sweat so much at night. My
body is ridding itself of the 9 months it took to grow my baby-- I only
just recently was able to shave again because my stomach got in the way.
How do people that don't know each other have babies together? I am so
thankful I have been with Johannes for 4 years because I know I can
share this with him...but what happens when people have kids by
accident? It must be so awkward!
right. There are so many blogs and articles about the joy of motherhood,
and how great it is etc etc...but the real truth is hushed up behind
pacifiers and contained in soiled diapers. It's loud and it stinks.
not referring to (nor is Anna) postpartum depression, which is a very
real thing. It's just that there is this grand arching joyous dialogue
about how centered you suddenly become once you birth a child. Like you
are a woman. You can conquer. You are now complete. There is another
human on this earth: because of you. (Cue wind blowing through hair with
a soft glow of light on cheekbones with a crimson hued tint on lips
with wild flowers floating all around.)
Last night I was
sitting in the office and turned around, looked at Anna while she was
breast feeding and she proclaimed to me: I mean, this is so boring! I'm
just supposed to sit here and take him to the Milkyway Bar, feed him liquorless
White Russians and watch him fall asleep afterwards!
with a new child suddenly becomes broken up into 3 hour intervals: feed
him, hold him, wipe his ass, let him sleep, rinse, wash, repeat. It is a
drastic lifestyle change from what was before--as an architect who
traveled all over Europe and Russia designing high end retail stores and
now she sits and watches her son drink her breast milk, burp him over
her shoulder, congratulates him when he spits up and puts him down for a
Anna is a loving and doting mother. She has
definitely sofented with the arrival of little Felix, but she is not a
different person; she is still pragmatic and opinionated. It's refreshing.
Little man Felix is a champ. And so is his papa and proud mama. I'm just glad I can still shave whenever I want to.